Copyright © Scott Beuerlein. All rights reserved. 

Garden Writer

Links to Some Articles and Other Stuff










​​Scott Beuerlein - For Hire

Horticultural Speaker & Writer

Hi, I'm Scott, and it's me here writing this. Couldn't find anyone other than family or friends to write it for me cheap or free, and, honestly, I have learned over the years that it's best if I keep new people in my life away from those who've known me longer. So, here I am, writing my own bio and I'm choosing to write it in the first person to avoid feeling like I'm writing my own obit.   

The vitals. I'm a Horticulturist at the Cincinnati Zoo & Botanical Garden and damned happy and proud about it. Best place in the world for a plant geek to work! Er, maybe the second. Or the third. Occasionally, I get to plant or trim something but, since I'm the best of us at talking, I've become the outreach guy and run our horticultural  symposiums and plant trials. And I do email. Lots of email.

Our CZBG symposiums have been very successful, and, not to name drop or anything, we have had the joy and honor to present many of the best Horticulturists in the word. People like  Allan Armitage, Tony Avent, Mike Berkely, Dr. Natalie Boyle, Nancy Buley, Allen Bush, Andrew Bunting, Paul Cappiello, Steve Castorani, Rick Crowder, Shannon Curry, Dr. Michael Dirr, Janet Draper, Laura Ekasetya,  Shelby French, John Gados, Mike Hayman, Bill Hendricks, John Hoffman, Panayoti Kelaidis, Roy Klehm, Jim McCormac, John McGee, Kerry Meyer, David Mizejewski, Jim Nau, Kelly Norris, Greg Paige, Susie Raker, Mark Rose, Carol Reese, Guy Sternberg, Jimmy Turner, Mace Vaughn, Keith Warren, Claudia West, Tim Wood, Dr. Peter Zale, and a bunch of others. We aim for a stimulating mix of A-listers, budding young geniuses, and beloved, venerable, old-time experts for a wonderful blend of great information and fun. 

You can find out our current round of symposiums on the Zoo's website, here:

In my spare time, I write and speak. Hundreds of articles and talks are out there somewhere and have no doubt changed the trajectory of the world. Or maybe not. But they are out there. Currently, I'm write the (hopefully humorous) Deep Roots column for Horticulture Magazine and the Green Views interview column. Interview subjects in 2021 were Allan Armitage, Jimmy Turner, Peter Zale, Shannon Curry, and Carol Reese. Stay tuned for those I'll talk with in 2022!

I've been a partner at the super smart, groundbreaking, influential, and world-respected blogsite Garden Rant. I contribute a monthly blog, and also get abused by fellow Ranter, Marianne Wilburn in an ongoing passive/aggressive open correspondence. It's not a healthy relationship.

I really enjoy getting out and giving talks to professional and gardening groups, and I've had the pleasure to speak to groups as large as 1000 and as small as 12. Anything from big trade groups to public garden events to itty bitty garden clubs.  Even, ugh, virtually. Better than nothing, I guess.

For a List of Talk Titles, Please Click on the SERVICES ​tab.

 Comments on My Talks

​"...our guests greatly appreciated your knowledge, presentation skills and especially your humor! The evaluation forms and the feedback was fabulous! 95% of our guest gave you the highest rating for your presentation skills. 96% gave you the highest rating for knowledge of and presentation of subject matter; and 94% gave the highest rating for "I enjoyed this presentation" with 39% listing you specifically in the fill in question "What I enjoyed most about this event"! These numbers are unprecedented!"

"Have to tell you that my day was made by your opening the Cuyahoga County MG Fall Seminar last week. Thanks so much for your participation with very welcome humor!"

"Our hort folks attended the MAHSC earlier this year. I asked them for some notable presentations on speakers and your name got several asterisks!" 

Comments on My Writing 

“Scott Beuerlein brings his own brand of wacky irreverence to garden writing—and it is much needed there! He's got the knowledge and the background, as so many do, but his liveliness sets him apart. Does he occasionally go too far? Perhaps, and that risk-taking is the mark of aspirational writing.”

"He’s so funny, with lots of fresh language and good storytelling.”

I absolutely adore your prose, ever revealing and sardonic. Please keep writing. Maybe you need to write a book!!! Love your repartee with Marianne.

What an excellent piece of writing to lift one’s spirits in the horrid month of August! 

So funny, I always anticipate a lot of laughs when I read your magazine articles and rant posts. 

"I found myself wishing I could write as well as he did."

"I laughed, I teared up, I laughed again, and then teared up some more. You have a gift for carrying your readers right into your manic projects and their aftermath."

"One of the best pieces I’ve ever read on this site…and I will read it multiple times, especially since it hits so close to home. Thanks for sharing your story Scott "

​"I’ve never read a post that made me both genuinely laugh out loud and well up with tears. Scott, thank you. And may there be much more gardening and growing in your future."

​"LOVED this brisk rundown—-GREAT sense of humor—-The final item on the list was killer! Look forward to more of your contributions—-"

"IMO, probably one of the most important blog posts a gardener could read."

"You are a marvelous writer and captured the cancer diagnosis/ journey so truthfully, and the life-affirming gift of having a garden to tend."

"Thank you for this essay, it’s both hysterically funny and horrifying. You’re the Evil Knievel of gardening! I’m just an amateur. I trip over the hose while carrying a bag of pine fines (soft landing if you fall forward), or slip on wet pavement and wind up with bursitis in the hip from a bone spur that developed from the bruise (easily cured with a cortisone shot and exercises). No deep cuts, no broken bones, no flying chainsaws. I usually conceal these minor mishaps from my husband, but I guess that’s not an option for you…who would drive you to the ER?"

"Oh how I loved this! As a full time caretaker, my garden is my therapy and refuge. ...Thank you for this lovely and funny essay."

"ha ha ha! Super – my wife kept asking “What are you laughing about?”! Methinks we may have a Southern writer, munching on that telltale crustulum lunare (maybe washing it down with a beer…?) Thanks for that!"

"That was awesome! Reminded me of Dave Barry with a hort bent. Please sir, may I have another!"

"I have so very much enjoyed this post. The grandma years had me rolling, but so very accurate when you start thinking how one generation can see a plethora of change. Thanks for a great read."

"Profound, beautiful, honest, revealing, moving – everything good writing should be. Scott, I hope someday you publish a book of your own, a gardener’s memoir full of such ruminations and insights, humor and truths. "

"Wow. This guy can write!"